why me-time isn’t always about me.

Yesterday, I attended the Women’s Conference in Long Beach, hosted by Maria Shriver.  14,000 women in a hangar-sized stadium— the estrogen was palpable!  I was tweeting like a mad woman all day, trying to capture memorable quotes and ideas as they came at me, sharing what I felt so privileged to be a part of.   As I strolled through the exhibitor village, I thought of alliances that my mompreneur clients could make with like-minded businesses.   Later, as I drove home, my mind raced with blog post ideas, and even the topic for today’s Juicebox.

Teaching is one of my core values— my whole life I have been someone who wants to share what I know.   But sometimes it’s hard for me to remember that I could have experienced the conference for my own benefit. You know, just for me?  What a concept!

For moms, the idea of selflessness is reinforced at every turn, and as much as we say we want more “me-time,” we all feel so much guilt and shame for wanting time for ourselves.  Who made these rules, anyway?  What other job on the planet demands a round-the-clock-for-the-rest-of-your-life attendance record?  It’s absurd, if you think about it.  We are not robots.   We all need time away to recharge so we can return to our families, inspired and energized.   Not because we don’t love our children, but because we do. I bet some of you can’t even imagine electing to spend a whole day away from your kids at a conference for pleasure.  I totally get it, cause I used to feel just like you.  But over time I learned that an hour, an afternoon, or a day here and there can make all the difference in what kind of parent I am at home, and what kind of woman I am in the world.

How are you doing on the me-time issue? Share your story with me, and inspire other moms to take a MOMent for themselves.

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the common cold is no match for mom.

A common cold has swept through my house and I am it’s last (and most-annoyed) victim. I spent all day in bed today, accompanied by the Holy Trinity of Tea, Toast & Tylenol. I remember the first really, really bad cold I got after my son was born, and the realization that no matter how crappy I felt, I was On. The. Job. I still had to pace and rock him to sleep, no matter how my goopy my nose was. I still had to change diapers, no matter how nauseous I felt. Even though it seems like a pretty pedestrian memory, I look back on it as a defining moment in my motherhood. I knew my own strength at a deeper level than I ever had before, and I felt grounded in my role as nurturer and caretaker in a way that no book could have ever prepared me for.

Lying in bed today, while my two (slightly more) grown up children were in school, I thought of the many, MANY other curve balls I’ve endured as a mom that were far worse than my paltry head cold. I thought, too, of the moms whose children are suffering from complications from the H1N1 virus, and the strength they’ll need to endure that unimaginable crisis. I know that, whether it’s the sniffles or a medical emergency, the tough moments are no match for the power of mom.

What motherhood moment has tested you? How has moving through it defined you? Share your story with me.

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Love Muffin

This muffin has the perfect resume: It tastes great, it’s irrefutably good for you, and it can last in an air-tight container for a week!  I make these on the weekend with my kids and then they’re ready and waiting on Monday morning when I’m whizzing through the kitchen, packing lunches and serving up breakfast to the rest of the gang.

I found this Cooking Light recipe for Morning Glory Muffins in 2007 in a doctor’s waiting room (yes, I tore it out and stole it!), and it’s been a regular in my repertoire ever since.  Fear not the wheat bran and flax seed— would I steer you wrong?

Try these out, or at least think about other easy ways you can feed yourself in the morning.  You’d never send your kids to school without a nutritious breakfast, so why deprive yourself?

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food for thought.

I got an earful from a friend the other day about how the Chinese fast food served for hot lunch at our kids’ school is too sugary and fatty.  She called it an “outrage” and proclaimed that she would never, EVER feed her kids such garbage.  This, while she sipped a Diet Coke… for breakfast.  I didn’t bother telling her that the Chinese fast food is my son’s favorite, or that I adore the break it gives me from the daily chore of packing lunch, or that Diet Coke isn’t exactly part of a nutritious meal. I didn’t feel the need to engage in a war of words— she is as entitled to her opinion as I am to mine.

My dad has a saying: “Opinions are like buttholes, everyone has one.” (What he lacks in class he makes up for in wisdom.)  It’s good to remember that there is no “one right way” to do this job called Motherhood, and that we’re all entitled to our own judgement calls about how to care for (and what to feed) our children.  I can’t say I was too bothered by my friend’s proclamations, but of course they didn’t make me feel like mother-of-the-year either.  After we spoke, I thought a lot about my own ideas about how to raise children, and how I could continue to have them without disrespecting other people’s ideas.

Have you ever been on the giving (or receiving) end of a strong opinion about your parenting?

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why the XBox and I are now on speaking terms

The Beatles were a big deal in our house BEFORE they re-released all their albums and made a Rock Band game for the Xbox, but now, they’re, like BEYOND cool to my 8 and 4 year-old. It’s like they’re a legendary iconic musical group, or something! All weekend, we played Beatles Rock Band, and my kids poured over all the details— they can now tell you that George sings “Here Comes The Sun,” but Ringo sings “Octopus’ Garden”, and that Paul had a full beard when he sang “Don’t Let Me Down” on the roof of Apple Records. I put my son to bed tonight, and 30 minutes later, I sat outside his door while he sang “Hard Day’s Night” to himself, trying to master the melody and belt it (softly) like a rock-n-roller.  Cuteness Factor: 10.

My husband will have a good laugh when he reads this post, because I was LIVID about the Xbox entering our home (and I’ve threatened to toss it in the garbage several times). With TV, the computer and the Ninetendo DS all vying for my kids attention, I didn’t see the need for yet another “screen” to lure my kids away from me— and each other— on the weekends. Many too many negotiating sessions about “when” and “for how long” can they play have transpired, and many a tear has been shed when I’ve tried to pry the controls from their little hands.

And yet, and yet… there’s nothing sweeter to my music-loving ears than hearing my 3rd grader whisper, “But when I get home to you, I find the things that you do, they make me fee-eel, all-riiight.”

So, here’s what I’m thinking.  It is possible that the things we forbid our kids to do aren’t really about their best interests, but about our own fears?  For me, fear of having to set limitations played a factor— I knew that having the Xbox around would require me to set (and enforce) rules, and I really didn’t want to add more to my “bad cop mom” list.  But, if I had put my foot down about Mr. Xbox, we would have never experienced the greatest band of all time in such an engaging way.

In my coaching practice, I see so many issues play out just like this:  “We don’t eat sugar in our house.”  “My kids never watch TV.”  Of course, if these are values that are important to you, there’s nothing wrong with enforcing them.  But often the “we never” extremism is fueled by a fear of being unable to keep things under control.  Will I find myself in an avalanche of Oreos if I let one or two in?

As a mom, I am constantly in a strategy meeting with myself about this stuff.  I’m always looking for cracks in my logic. I believe that you grow into your role as a mom by understanding your own behavior and learning how to handle your own fears.  It’s okay to reconsider a heretofore firm stance on things like video games or donuts—flux and change are to be embraced, not just for our kids, but for us as parents too.  It’s not always about making the right decision first, but having the flexibility to reconsider, evolve and adapt.

What have you taken a hard line on with your family? Is there room for compomise? For facing your fears, and letting a little in?

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morning, afternoon, evening: at-a-glance printable.

As a follow up to my last post, I’ve uploaded the printable document I’ve created to help me stay organized in the morning (who has hot lunch, who has share day, what needs to be in the car when we leave), afternoon (don’t forget sheet music for band practice, tennis rackets on fridays, grab snack to eat on the way to baseball) and evening (chores, homework and assignments due, practice piano).

I intend to enlarge and laminate this and use it like a dry-erase board on my fridge, but you could print it as-is and use it as a weekly worksheet, keeping things calm and easy during those frantic times.

More worksheets to come… a chore chart is next in my house. Definitely let me know if there are things you’d like to see!

Click here to download the Week-at-a-Glance PDF.

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how to bounce back when you drop the ball

This week, my ability to juggle it all took a nose dive, and more than a few balls I had in the air were dropped. Yesterday, things started to slide when I forgot to send my son to school with sunblock on for his outdoor field trip (the date never made it into my calendar), but did send him with lunch, even though he has hot lunch every wednesday (that was in my calendar, but I totally overlooked it). And then today, I left my daughter’s lunchbox at home and had to go back and get it, making me VERY late for a morning meeting.

As a coach and productivity expert, you can imagine that I put a LOT of pressure on myself to keep it all together, but I am not perfect (far from it, sister!) and every now and then things do go haywire.  In those times, it’s much like being on a diet: You can try to learn from your mistakes, be kind to yourself, and get back on the horse. Or you can send yourself into a shame spiral and polish off the fancy cookies you hide from the kids in the back of the pantry (a tasty solution, but not a very effective one).

I chose the former this week (Sayonara, fancy cookies!), and have begun a complete overhaul of my organizational systems, starting with a week-at-a-glance calendar that my 8 year-old can read and add to on our fridge.   It wasn’t always this way, but I have learned to see each screw-up as an opportunity to learn and improve.  Each one has a little productivity lesson sandwiched inside.  Kind of like a fancy cookie, only with fewer calories.

Has any big organizational melt-down lead to a breakthrough for you?  Share your story with me!

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