My Own PMD Story
If you’ve been following the Perfect Moms Finish Last Interview Series, you’ve heard me talk about Perfect Mom Disorder, the affliction that plagues most moms I know. We’re all obsessed with doing everything “the right way” and we obsess over even the tiniest decisions, afraid to make a mistake, afraid to let our guards down that we don’t have it all under control.
In this video, I reveal how PMD rears it’s ugly head in my life, and how I almost had a nervous breakdown producing the interview series I designed to help battle it! I’m sharing stuff I’ve never shared before about how difficult motherhood was for me in the beginning, why I started Mothercraft, and how all roads have lead me to write the Perfect Moms Finish Last 6-Week Course.
If any of this resonates with you, and you’re feeling a little PMD, you’ll want to register for the preview call I’ll be hosting on February 25th at 10a PT/1p ET. I’ll be unveiling the entire syllabus for all six weeks, and registration will open immediately after.
Plus, I’ll be announcing the grand prize for the “I Heart Organizing Giveaway”, and you must be registered for the call to be entered to win the grand prize!
What’s your Perfect Mom Disorder Story? Please send it to me, I’d love to hear how you overcome your PMD (or at least give it a try!).
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Feb 16, 2010
Carley! I so enjoyed your PMD video….That is my story! ha! I had so many things in place and was building a career, then these two precious little guys came into my life (on top of renovating a farm house and grad school) and I felt SUNK! It has taken me so much longer to “land on my feet” with that transition and I have often thought…..”What is wrong with you, Kim?” Then I began a local chapter of the MOMS Club International just to be around other moms and laugh at our situations and support each other. Those friendships have become some of the most amazing, loving friendships across time in my life….so much so that when I was caring for my mom as she was dying from breast cancer…..I can easily say, I would not have been able to function or care for my family if it hadn’t been for them….helping and reminding me NOT to feed into my own PMD. I dropped so many balls and they were there to catch them.
Thank you, Carley, for putting yourself and your story out there for other moms to hear and resonate in their own lives. Recognizing our PMD helps those fragmented, disjointed moments of caring for a family not take on a life of itself, but come into more perspective in relation to our bigger world sometimes buried inside ourselves! I look forward to the call. Warmly, Kim Kompel
Feb 16, 2010
Thank you for sharing.
Wow! I can’t believe how similar our stories of adjusting to motherhood are. “The anger with the situation and the shame of feeling frustrated with a great (privileged) life” “People would say don’t take that on but this was what I wanted to do and I was angry I couldn’t fit these things into my life.” “I started to resent my husband who would go into work every day as if nothing had happened to his life.” Etc.
Thankfully, life goes on…I’ve really been enjoying the kids lately (now 3.5 and almost 5) and I keep saying that I’m not sure if it’s because I’ve grown up or because they have. And that’s the truth. I’ve learned so much but they’re also more self-sufficient and expressing personalities of their own. Not to mention that now they’re in preschool, I have five hours a day that is mine. I can work again. I can create. I can organize the closet.
But yes. The limitations still exist and I too overlapped crazy deadlines over the winter holidays. The start date had shifted a month forward but I accepted an unchanged deadline. This actually required milestones the week of christmas–but I still took it on! I was scrambled trying to create the perfect holidays while frantically trying to meet deadlines. Thankfully, I pulled it off (as far as the kids are concerned) but I managed to drain all the joy out of it from my perspective.
I learned from that. I’ve now created “black-out” days. These are the days I don’t work. Any schedule has to account for these days and I certainly won’t accept deadlines during or immediately after these days. It’s not unreasonable but when you’re trying to prove to the world that you can do it all (damnit!), it does take discipline.
Thanks everything you do. Knowing others have the same experiences allows us to remove “beating ourselves up” from our overflowing to-do lists.
Cheers,
Stefanie
Feb 16, 2010
Thanks Kim, I really get that “What’s wrong with you, Kim?” part! So fantastic that you found a group of women to support you through that time. That’s an essential piece. Thanks for sharing.
Feb 16, 2010
Stefanie, isn’t it amazing how similar so many of our stories are, and yet few people talk about it? Good for you for embracing the ‘black out date’ and resisting the urge to prove yourself to the world.
Feb 16, 2010
Hi Carley,
As always I appreciate your efforts greatly to normalize the challenges of moms and bring them more candidly out in the open. I was in your workshop at the Malibu inn and what a delightful day that was. I just felt so much better about everything after that workshop. Mostly I didn’t feel alone anymore. I really admire the work you are doing. I can also relate I have been completing the last stretch of getting my marriage and family therapy licsense, it has been an extra long road with having had twins at 45 3 years ago. I am now studying for my last exam and whew!!!! I sometimes think I might not make it. I feel overwhelmed most of the time. My body and my life is so unrecognizable, and I have a very demanding doctor husband. I am learning to accept it more and more. I don’t know if I can relate to trying to be perfect I just try to be as good as I can and the pressure of that alone is almost unbearable at times. I look forward to hearing your messages they are so helpful. One of the things I greatly miss is the gathering of women to support each other. I wish I had more women in my life but having the time to create the relationships and nurture them is so challenging when your plate is already full. I keep telling myself this too shall pass. Thanks again for your wonderful work. Its so honest. blessings Deanna
Feb 18, 2010
Wow! Well said! I look around every day at all the things in my life that I am not getting done and often forget to take stock in all that I HAVE DONE! I have two wonderful children that my husband and I are raising to be productive, caring children, and one day adults in this world. That is something we as parents should all be proud of. BUT that gnawing feeling of “I wish I could do better” is always lingering – in raising my kids but also in organizing my life and home. I look around and think – wow, just think what I could do if I didn’t have children to care for every day. Of course then I do feel the guilt at even entertaining any idea of their non-existence. Sharing in these stories does help me to know I am not the only one. Thank you for what you have embarked on and thank you for letting me be a part. Wonderful!
Feb 22, 2010
thanks for a great #21 interview carley, refreshingly honest as usual
. so easy to start big and get overwhelmed! similar reasons for starting my own site for sure. still working on fitting in the creativity bit! started homeschooling this week which will certainly kick PMD into gear here, will be watching for it though. already have a vacation scheduled!
bethany´s last blog ..Q of the Week : Handling Competitive Motherhood?
Feb 23, 2010
Thanks Bethany– Awareness is the first step to warding off PMD, so you’re on the right track! Thanks for sharing– so meaningful for so many other moms to hear your story. And I always love hearing from you!