October 8, 2009
I got an earful from a friend the other day about how the Chinese fast food served for hot lunch at our kids’ school is too sugary and fatty. She called it an “outrage” and proclaimed that she would never, EVER feed her kids such garbage. This, while she sipped a Diet Coke… for breakfast. I didn’t bother telling her that the Chinese fast food is my son’s favorite, or that I adore the break it gives me from the daily chore of packing lunch, or that Diet Coke isn’t exactly part of a nutritious meal. I didn’t feel the need to engage in a war of words— she is as entitled to her opinion as I am to mine.
My dad has a saying: “Opinions are like buttholes, everyone has one.” (What he lacks in class he makes up for in wisdom.) It’s good to remember that there is no “one right way” to do this job called Motherhood, and that we’re all entitled to our own judgement calls about how to care for (and what to feed) our children. I can’t say I was too bothered by my friend’s proclamations, but of course they didn’t make me feel like mother-of-the-year either. After we spoke, I thought a lot about my own ideas about how to raise children, and how I could continue to have them without disrespecting other people’s ideas.
Have you ever been on the giving (or receiving) end of a strong opinion about your parenting?
9 comments - Add a comment
Tweet about this post
May 22, 2009
Dear Carley,
I keep hearing about this concept of a “good enough mom,” but I’m never able to buy in. I just keep looking around and seeing other moms doing stuff with their kids that I never do, and I feel like I’m not giving my kids what they need to succeed in life. How do I know if I’m doing enough?
Lisa M.
Lisa,
I have a neighbor who is a total fitness nut. While my kids and I are on the front lawn staring at snails or describing animals we see in the clouds (read: sedentary), she’s mountain-biking or power-walking by with her kids in tow. Whenever I see her, the feeling creeps up: Why don’t I do more physical activity with the kids? She’s a much better mom than me. Now, I could choose to use this opportunity to feel awful about myself, but instead, I’ve learned to embrace this fact: We are all individuals, and our parenting styles are driven by our unique interests, strengths, talents and passions. For example, I love cooking with my kids and as a result, they’re adventurous with food. My 4 year old asked for extra basil on her grilled zucchini the other night, and my 8 year old makes really good salad dressing from scratch.
I think the “good enough mom” idea is well-intentioned: it helps moms realize that they don’t have to be perfect to raise happy children. The problem is, I don’t know a single mom who enjoys describing herself that way! Instead, I like to promote the idea of “true to you mom,” where you live by the passions, talents and interests that you have, and celebrate how those things get modeled to your children. Do more of what you love, then notice how interactions with your kids are affected. Those are the moments that make you so much more than “good enough.”
Add a comment
Tweet about this post
