Guest Post by Jenny Newcomer, founder of LobotoME.com
“Self-care is never a selfish act. Any time we can listen to our true self and give it the care it requires, we do so not only for ourselves but for the many others whose lives we touch.” – Parker Palmer, Let your Life Speak.
As a women with one husband, two kids, one dog and three businesses, I understand the challenges women face in taking care of themselves. However, I also know how important it is to keep ourselves fit, healthy and sane so that we can be better partners, better moms and more efficient workers. This is why I developed the line of LobotoME products, in particular the momME weekly planner, to encourage women to schedule time for self-care each day. LobotoME’s momME Planner has a section for everything in our busy lives including space for a daily schedule & to-do’s, events and birthdays, errands, healthy dinner plan, exercise tracking, household to-do’s, shopping list and the very important ME-time section. At the top of each new page there is also inspirational quotes and at the bottom there is a spot to remind you to take your vitamins and keep track of how much water you’re drinking (or not drinking!).
Here are some Ideas for daily self-care.
If you have 5 minutes – put your feet up, close your eyes, breathe.
If you have 30 minutes – write in your journal or go for a power walk.
If you have an hour – put in a workout DVD or take a bath.
If you have an afternoon – go on a 2 hour hike or catch a matinee
If you have a weekend – got on a solo road trip or take a trip to a nearby spa
Everything’s great right now, right? Your husband’s a good guy, kids are healthy, there’s food on the table, and the house is clean enough so that no one sees the mess. You should be so happy.
So why are you so frustrated and upset all the time?
Don’t you know how lucky you are to have all these choices? That you’re able to pursue work or stay home if you want to? No matter that it feels impossible to keep up, and like everyone else is doing it better. There’s probably something wrong with you, and it’s better just to keep working at being “better”.
Maybe if you enrolled the kids in that karate class, or got that cute stroller, or picked up the toys more, or bought a sexy nursing bra, or lost 15 pounds, or started a meditation practice, or did more volunteer work, or learned how to use your digital camera, or started buying more organic groceries you’d feel like other people thought you were a better mom, and that might make you feel better. If you need more ideas on how to improve, I’ll supply you with them throughout the day and night. Happy to help.
Speaking of help, shouldn’t you know how to do this motherhood thing without assistance? Look around— so many of your friends are doing just fine on their own. Don’t bother anyone by asking them to share the load. You don’t want anyone to know you’re struggling, do you? You might as well tattoo “failure” on your forehead!
And what’s with all the forgetfulness, the missed meetings, the tardiness and the broken promises? Some people say you’re trying to do too much, but you and I both know that the more you “do” for your kids, the better a mother you’ll be, right?
Lastly, and I’ve told you this before, there is simply no time for your hobbies or passions right now. How are you going to be a good mom to your kids when you’re off taking time for yourself, enjoying life, feeding your soul and nurturing your marriage and friendships? How selfish! No, all your thoughts and energy should be directed at your kids, and if you’re not working, you should be right there with them.
Oh, and you should really question what kind of mother you are if all of this isn’t fulfilling you— this is what you were born to do, so you better figure out how to enjoy it!
Thanks for listening (not that you have a choice). It’s my job to remind you how crappy you are at being a mom. Remember: Don’t ask for help and don’t look beyond motherhood for more. You’ll be able to rediscover yourself in, like, 18 years or so. You can wait ’til then, right?
With love and unrelenting criticism,
Your inner-voice.
I had the idea to write this email last night as I put the finishing touches on the Perfect Moms Finish Last 6-Week course, which starts tonight. I don’t know a mom who doesn’t talk to herself like this: It’s so corrosive and only serves to push us down, rather than help us identify out our obstacles and overcome them. Yet we all do it— we’re all so comfortable beating ourselves down, we don’t even need anyone else to help us out?
If you’re feeling like it’s time to put an end to this self-talk madness and really, REALLY get a handle on your life, it’s not too late to register for the course.There’s just one spot left, and I want it to be yours. After that, you’ll miss this opportunity to get all the nuts-and-bolts systems I teach to transform your life and help you take control, as well as the remedies for your Perfect Mom Disorder.
Don’t let Mrs. Inner Voice talk you out of it. NOW is the time to invest in yourself— your family will benefit tenfold from the improvements you make to your life.
Yesterday, I attended the Women’s Conference in Long Beach, hosted by Maria Shriver. 14,000 women in a hangar-sized stadium— the estrogen was palpable! I was tweeting like a mad woman all day, trying to capture memorable quotes and ideas as they came at me, sharing what I felt so privileged to be a part of. As I strolled through the exhibitor village, I thought of alliances that my mompreneur clients could make with like-minded businesses. Later, as I drove home, my mind raced with blog post ideas, and even the topic for today’s Juicebox.
Teaching is one of my core values— my whole life I have been someone who wants to share what I know. But sometimes it’s hard for me to remember that I could have experienced the conference for my own benefit. You know, just for me? What a concept!
For moms, the idea of selflessness is reinforced at every turn, and as much as we say we want more “me-time,” we all feel so much guilt and shame for wanting time for ourselves. Who made these rules, anyway? What other job on the planet demands a round-the-clock-for-the-rest-of-your-life attendance record? It’s absurd, if you think about it. We are not robots. We all need time away to recharge so we can return to our families, inspired and energized. Not because we don’t love our children, but because we do. I bet some of you can’t even imagine electing to spend a whole day away from your kids at a conference for pleasure. I totally get it, cause I used to feel just like you. But over time I learned that an hour, an afternoon, or a day here and there can make all the difference in what kind of parent I am at home, and what kind of woman I am in the world.
How are you doing on the me-time issue? Share your story with me, and inspire other moms to take a MOMent for themselves.
I’ve been up in Canada all summer, away from my husband, my life and career… and Jenny, my puppy. The kids have been having a blast at camp, and my parents have been getting TONS of grandkid time, but I am longing for the return to my life.
For moms, making sacrifices is part of the job. Life isn’t just about “me” anymore, but in order to take care of myself, I need to take care of “me” too, right? It’s often difficult for moms to walk the line between selfish and selfless, especially since our culture says that the measure of a good mom is how much she sacrifices for her kids. But if I live this long-distance life much longer and put my kids before my marriage (strained), my friendships (estranged), and my personal hobbies and interests (on hold), then I’m not going to be much of a mom, am I? What pieces of your life have you sacrificed for your kids? Do you think you’ve struck a good balance between selfish and selfless? Or is it time to reclaim some of the parts of you that you’ve abandoned in the name of being a “good mom?” I’d love to read your comments, below.
Coming to you live from my jammies to discuss bedtime routines… for you, not your kids!
Moms, we’re militant with evening routines to help our kids wind down and go to sleep, but we have none for ourselves! Is it any wonder that we’re not getting rest and feeling focused about tomorrow when we’re watching TV and on the internet before bed?! Establish an evening routine to unwind and nurture yourself… it’s transformative and actually INCREASES your productivity.
Do not adjust your browsers… I’m on vacation without my kids!! Being in Maui gave me lots of time to do things that bring me joy, and to reflect on how important it is to work those things in to what little free time I have when I’m home being mom. Time is your most precious resource. We didn’t have to be so intentional about how we spent it before we had kids, cause we had lots of it! But it’s a different ball game now. What brings you joy? If you can bring a little more of that into your life, you’ll be one happy mom!
One of the great things that I got from coaching sessions with Carley is very usuable action steps to put into practice as soon as I got home. Organizing time, lists, and action steps… she does a great job at taking what feels like the “overwhelming” and calmly breaking down so it’s doable. She’s so empathetic to what a mom goes through, so it doesn’t feel like some outsider giving you unrealistic suggestions, like Martha Stewart, or something! — Alex Brook, Mom of Two
As a women with one husband, two kids, one dog and three businesses, I understand the challenges women face in taking care of themselves. However, I also know how important it is to keep ourselves fit, healthy and sane so that we can be better partners, better moms and more efficient workers. This is why I developed the line of LobotoME products, in particular the momME weekly planner, to encourage women to schedule time for self-care each day. LobotoME’s momME Planner has a section for everything in our busy lives including space for a daily schedule & to-do’s, events and birthdays, errands, healthy dinner plan, exercise tracking, household to-do’s, shopping list and the very important ME-time section. At the top of each new page there is also inspirational quotes and at the bottom there is a spot to remind you to take your vitamins and keep track of how much water you’re drinking (or not drinking!).
I’ve been up in Canada all summer, away from my husband, my life and career… and Jenny, my puppy. The kids have been having a blast at camp, and my parents have been getting TONS of grandkid time, but I am longing for the return to my life. 
