THE MIDDLE WAY ON TURKEY DAY
Survive the stress by accepting what is.
 Thanksgiving is upon us. This year I'm hosting 16 people at my house- a self-torturous move on my part, though I truly do love cooking for a crowd. Being a mom of 2 doesn't afford me too much opportunity to create a fine dining experience (chicken nuggets don't count, in spite of myriad dipping sauces), so Thanksgiving puts this repressed hostess into hyper-mode. My dining room table is piled high with menu ideas and cookbooks. I contemplate the purchase of fancy mail-order hors d'oeuvres and digital probe thermometers. I channel Martha Stewart in search of the perfect napkin ring. During these final weeks, dinnertime becomes a side dish testing ground to determine which are good enough to make it to the turkey table. My poor, poor family has been subjected to way too many pounds of Brussels sprouts in the name of improvement.
I like to think I'm just "enthusiastic" about the holiday, but deep down inside I know I'm as nutty as a pecan pie.
With this much pressure riding on one meal, even the most Zen mom can lose her marbles. Luckily, over the years I have added a component of self-counseling to my holiday prep: The art of acceptance. Because no matter how excessive the planning, something always goes wrong (last year I forgot to buy twine and ended up trussing the turkey with dental floss), and when it does I want to be prepared to deal with it.
Even Buddha could relate to my angst (though I bet he never contended with burnt biscuits). The very first of the four Noble Truths of Buddhism is that Life Is Suffering. Change, anxiety, sorrow, affliction... they're all a normal part of our existence. Our pain comes not from life's bad moments, but from our desire to have only good moments. For example, I create a beautiful floral centerpiece so that it may be seen and enjoyed by my guests, not because I want it to go up in smoke when my toddler ignites it with a tea light before the guests even arrive (true story). But if I truly accept that this suffering is a part of life and not always expect perfection I can tackle the problem with clarity and maintain my physical and emotional wellbeing in the process. After my initial freak-out, my singed centerpiece was replaced with a cake stand piled high with pomegranates- it was the talk of the dinner table.
I am constantly developing my ability to accept whatever comes, no matter how much I wish things to be "perfect". It's a discipline that takes hard work, and like my Brussels sprouts recipe, there's always room for improvement. Here are some tips to help you along on your path to Turkey Day Enlightenment:
1) Breathe, girl: When life stresses you out, don't forget to breathe. Deep breaths neutralize your emotions, de-stress your body and oxygenate your brain so it can better help you out of your mess-du-jour.
2) Go with the flow: Your mother-in-law brings dessert... when you asked her to bring appetizers. Though it might be tempting to stew all night, your grumbling won't feed your guests. A more productive approach: Thank her for the pie and grab some cheese and crackers. You can't change what is, so why fight it?
3) Ask for help:
There is no prize awarded to the mom who does it all on her own. Your
guests feel at ease (and flattered) when they're asked to help and
don't have to stand idly by while you sweat and moan in the kitchen.
4) Give Thanks: Remember what the night is for in the first place. Take a moment, even in the throes of chaos, to remind yourself of the abundance in your life. Your health. Your home. Your family. Your friends. The dried-out stuffing will be instantly put into perspective.
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